My main squeeze left yesterday for a week long work trip so last night was my first night home alone. It went HORRIBLY. At first, I was fine. Minding my own business watching Big Brother and eating a dinner of popcorn and red wine. Then bedtime came. Suddenly, I became very aware of the fact that the apartment was a little too dark, the shadows of the trees and car headlights made eery little shapes on the curtains, and our living room windows didn't lock.
My first thought; DONE FOR. 100% CHANCE I'LL BE ATTACKED BY SOMEONE WAITING UNTIL THIS EXACT NIGHT WHEN MY BOYFRIEND HAD TO GO OUT OF TOWN TO STRIKE!!
Second thought; Guess I'll never get to wear those super cute Dolce Vita Snakeskin loafers I just ordered.
Adorable, no?
Necessity is the mother of invention, so I devised a Booby Trap under each window. I would place something underneath each windowsill and if the Killer were to sneak in, he (or she!) would unsuspectingly knock them over and wake me up. Genius. The only thing I could find were vintage food canisters. I placed the vintage food canisters under each window, crawled into bed and waited.
scaaaaaaary!
Of course, I thought I heard one canister knock over in the middle of the night. I debated for about 10 minutes whether the sound was in fact the Killer or the click of our Air Conditioner. I realized that if it was the Killer, then what's taking him so long? This is a large studio apartment. Is he lost? AMATEUR! So, I drifted back off to sleep.
Yikes. I'm insane. Six more nights until my bodyguard comes back.
Im convinced that Ambien is in business to lull lonely ladies to sleep when their boyfriends are away. Its the only way I make it through those scary nights... That and my attack dog, apty named squeeks.
ReplyDeleteAgreed! Someone recently gifted me a bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita. I slept fine after that.
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